I have always been an extremely cautious person. I tend to be paranoid at times and also fear of bad things happening. I'm not entirely sure where this all came from but I've been this way for a long time. It's an awful feeling.
This brings me to a story. Many years ago, I was living with my boyfriend at the time and he was out of town for work. I hated being home alone. Well, this one night, I kept waking up because I thought I heard something. This went on and on all night long, every hour. All of a sudden 5am rolled around and I heard noises coming from the kitchen, noises that sounded like someone walking in the house and I even swore I heard a drawer open. I literally talked myself into the fact that there may have been someone in the kitchen. Keep in mind that we had two cats at the time and we lived in an old house with hard wood floors that creaked. Did I ever even think it could have been my cats running around? Nope. My mind was sold on the fact that there was someone in the house. It was so bad that I sat in bed for a couple more hours and was late to work that morning because I was too scared to get up and look. Is that not ridiculous?! Of course no one was in the house, and I can guarantee it was just the cats. Once I finally got up, I even locked the bathroom door while I showered. I'll seriously never forget that morning.
That's me in a nutshell. I'm definitely not like this all the time but from time to time I tend to get a little ridiculous.
I got pregnant with my son in November of 2012 and the fear, and paranoid thoughts set into an ultimate high. I even read in my "What to expect when you're Expecting" book that it's normal to get fearful & paranoid about things that you normally wouldn't. If it wasn't bad enough already! I would have my husband check through the house, I began locking more doors than I already had, including our bedroom door. It was bad but I couldn't help it. I became insanely protective of the little life in my belly!
Flash forward to July when my son was born. I of course became instantly protective of him, so I'm sure you can imagine what it was like when I moved him into his own room. He slept in our room for the first 4 months, so, it was easy for me to lock our bedroom door. Well, when he went into his own room, I wanted our door open, his door open because I wanted to be able to hear him. This was hard for me, because I was so used to our bedroom door being locked. I am sure every Mom has strange nightmares once in awhile about something happening to her child. Or maybe it's just me again. :) I love that little guy so much and all I want to do is protect him!
I still ask my husband to check the house for me from time to time. All of a sudden I'll get scared from a noise and I'll ask him to check rooms and closets. A couple months ago I was so scared for some reason, I even had him check the attic in the garage. Yes, I'm a total weirdo.
So here I sit at 3am, blogging about being paranoid...not able to sleep because I woke up to noises in the house, which were most likely the dog, or the ice machine on the fridge, or Marshall stirring, or even my husband snoring.
Happy Thirsty Thursday! I sure am looking forward to a glass of wine tonight!
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